Bullet points, footnotes, over considering things I don’t really need to consider yet.

This last Thursday I went on a trip to a local arts school, which was super inspiring. Going there pretty much cemented the fact that I actually don’t want to be a librarian- or any other form of desk job- however, which is a thought I’ve been trying to ignore for the last little while. I’ve been attempting to ignore this because I really like the concept of having my life packaged up in a neat tidy little box. My previous box was:

  • Graduate with a few I.B. courses and a scholarship or two.
  • Use the above to partially skip/fund my first year of university at Memorial.
  • Get my B.A. at Memorial, my Masters at Dal, graduate…
  • Get a job? Fingers crossed?

All sounds good, but something clicked the other day, and all the thoughts I’ve been thinking came together and I realized that:

 The turn over rate for being a librarian, at least where I live, is miserable. As books become more and more outmoded my hopeful job would become more and more likely to just involve working with data and information on a computer, or some such. Sitting in a room and affixing labels to books, assessing their condition. Sitting behind a desk, holding small volunteer events that nobody really comes to. Not only would I not be assured of getting a job- after all that time spent in University- it wouldn’t really be a job I would want.

 To paraphrase a local librarian I once talked to, “You’re thinking of getting that degree? That’s great! Very excellent. Oh, you want to know about the chances of actually getting hired? Well…hehehehehe…how do you feel about moving somewhere cold and wet where the sun never shines?”

 So. Yeah. Things just clicked, and I realized that the neat little box wrapped with a bow I had was more like a wet sheet of newsprint tied up in twine.

 I’m not throwing the plan entirely out the window. I’m far too anal and too much of a perfectionist to not want to know what I’m doing with my life. However, there is a good chance that it’s going to be in the arts. There is also a good chance that unless people throw scholarships at my head when I graduate (no matter what my plans, I will apply, because free money is my favorite kind of money) I will be open to the idea of taking a gap year, in which I get a bunch of jobs, sell things I make, and see if following my dream of having an art driven career is actually going to work out. If it does, great, I’ll probably go take a degree in costume design, or fiber arts -thank heavens I have no plans for raising a family, because I’m quite aware that those careers offer no immediate stability. If it doesn’t, cool, but at least I will have a better idea of which more conservative, ‘normal’ job I do want to go after.

 In summary, a few thoughts.

  •  I’m in grade 11: I can take a breath, if not a deep one, before putting plans into action.
  • I don’t hate where I live, but I certainly don’t want to allow myself to become settled here.
  • Art is cool, it’s my passion if I can say that without sounding cheesy, and even if in few years time I change my mind, I can always switch out. I just don’t want to be stuck behind a desk, doing something that bores me senseless in order to afford to send my kids* to school, pay for the house the husband and I bought in the burbs**, and the second car.

 Well, that  was a spiel. But I’m actually not stressed about this. I’m too self motivated*** to become a burnout, so maybe I’ll put a little faith in my future self to know what’s up.

*Apparently my brain correlates sitting in a cubicle with having a sudden change of heart and wanting kids.

**No offense to those who live in the suburbs. You guys always have Arcade Fire to fall back on.

***I fully realize that this comes off as an egotistical statement, but it’s true, simply because I like being in control of my life. Hence the fact that I just wrote out this many paragraphs on a topic that I don’t need to consider to this degree until sometime next year.


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